UNSC Knock Me Down
by Saber Knight
Summary: Welcome to the lives of the crew of the UNSC Hydrogen-Class Frigate Knock Me Down as they go through the Human-Covenant War. Manned by questionable personal, the frigate is left to its own devices and causes havoc amongst the Covenant just by being around. - Mainly focuses on the ventures and the crew of the UNSC Knock Me Down instead of the war.
1. A Pesky Torpedo

**A/N: Welcome to the UNSC Frigate _Knock Me Down_, where her UNSC crew resides: Naval Personal, Marines, ODSTs, and three Spartans. This ship's name has been heard high and low among the mighty and ruthless Covenant, striking absolute terror in the very cores of their minds. We follow this defiant ship and her colorful crew as she fights through the Human-Covenant War.**

**DISCLAIMER: Do not own Halo or anything related to it, or anything that may or may not appear in this series.**

**UNSC Frigate (Hydrogen-Class) _Knock Me Down_**

**May/21/25XX **

**0945 hours**

"Plasma torpedo at six-hundred!" Sensors Officer Ju Li 'Julie' called out over the bridge from his station where he was monitoring the torpedo that had been launched from a Covenant Corvette.

"That thing's been following us since New Jersey!" Comms Officer Tom Turner 'Tommy' yelled out from his own station on the bridge as he strained to get a look at Ju Li's screen.

"Don't fret people, it has to run out of juice sometime!" Captain Cal Harkens 'Captain Caliber' told his crew, standing up to his full height as he pointed at the Helmsman. "Now, Mochi, engines to 459%!" Cal called out to the Helmsman, Mori Chikato 'Mochi'.

"Engines accelerating to 459% by your orders, Captain Caliber!" Mori called out, raising the frigate up and beyond the limits that had been placed on it.

It had all started out normally, with ODST Major Rico Flowers 'Ricochet' throwing Private First Class Don McCall 'Collins' across the mess hall, starting a fight between the ODSTs and Marines, causing the doors at the far end of the mess hall to be blown open by Spartan Team Ratio 'Rat Trio' due to them thinking there was a boarding attempt going on.

After things had settled down, the daily routine (Which was winged each day by the soldiers) had continued on, that was until the plasma torpedo (Which had first been fired from a nice little Outer Colony called New Jersey four days prior to today) finally caught up with them after they had fled by going into slipspace.

And so, here they were, running from a hyperactive plasma torpedo that's soul purpose in life was to gut their magnificent, beautiful warship and to melt down every single piece of Titanium-A armor plating it had. But the crew of the UNSC _Knock Me Down _weren't just going to stand by and let such a thing happen to their wonderful ship.

Instead, they were going to keep going around the same garden world until it finally dissipated. Yes, they had entered into the orbit of an uncharted garden world and were currently going around it at max speed with the torpedo hot on their tails.

"Captain Caliber, I'm getting dizzy~" Mori reported from his station at the very front of the bridge as he kept the frigate on a steady course.

"Keep steady, Mochi! Our very lives depend on your ability to stay strong!" Cal told him, sitting back in his seat, putting his arms on the armrest. "It'll have to run out of juice by the end of the m-m-month!?" Cal was instantly standing back up, seeing the torpedo coming at them from zero-hundred.

"Evasive maneuvers!" Ju Li called out from his own station as he noted the captain was too awestruck to speak. He yelled it again as he turned to look over at Mori only to see the man hypnotized into a slumber. "Mochi's lullabying!"

"We be dead!" Scotty Green 'Scone', the Chief Operations Officer, shouted, slamming his head down onto his station.

"We're all doomed!" Tom cried out, standing up in his seat. "Now I'll never get the chance to do it with Raven!" He added, tears coming down from his face.

Despite the impending doom in plasma form, the hysteria that had overtaken most of the bridge officers was replaced with burning passion. Cal, Ju Li, Mori, and Scotty all had out their M6 sidearms and were aiming them at Tom. "How dare you..." Ju Li, Mori, and Scotty started before joining in with Cal as they all said the last bit out loud. "Think you possibly have any chance in the entire universe of having a thing with Raven!" All four of them fired on their fellow officer.

All four bullets missed by sheer luck on Tom's side, one of them ricocheting off of the wall and hitting the controls for the MAC to fire, causing all five to tumble down onto the floor.

"Plasma torpedo has been taken out." A voice came from the weapons station of the bridge, causing all five of them to look up at Seren Winters 'Seraph', something that was very uncommon for them to do considering her exact height of five foot and one centimeter.

"What do you mean, Seraph?" Ju Li asked her, looking at his station to see that there was nothing coming at them anymore. "Captain Caliber, got nothing on the scanners."

Cal stood up, walking over to take a look at the sensors. "You're right, what happened to the torpedo? I don't recall getting hit."

"I almost do!" Tom shouted as he got back onto his feet, glaring at his comrades who had shot at him.

"Seraph, know what occurred?" Scotty asked the runt as he crawled back to his station, crawling back into his seat to sit in it backwards to look out over the other officers.

"Wasn't it busy chasing us?" Mori asked, completely oblivious to it having changed direction to come at them from the front.

Everyone turned to look at Seren, expecting an answer from the only female bridge officer present. And an answer is what she gave them. "The plasma torpedo impacted the MAC round, effectively taking it itself and the round out, leaving us well enough alone. Just like I knew it would." She smirked.

"Hey wait!" Tom exclaimed, rushing over to her station within a split second. "If you knew the MAC was going to absorb the shot for us, why didn't you do that sooner!?"

She looked him straight in the eye, having to look up at him due to him being at least twenty-nine centimeters taller. "I knew that you would sprout some nonsense when the timing for the shot would be best that would cause you to get shot at. Calculating the projectory of the bullets fired from the four others, I knew one would ricochet and trigger the MAC to fire. I did not want to get my finger blown off."

As the two officers glared at each other, Cal resumed his spot at the captain's chair. "Well done crew, another plasma torpedo on our kill list! Mochi, your being hypnotized gave us the perfect opportunity to kill it. Julie, Scone, both of you firing at Tommy provided us with the opportunity to trigger the MAC to kill it. And Seren, your perfect calculations gave us the absolute chance to kill it! Well done crew, I'm very proud in you! All of you!"

"Yes sir!" The crew all shouted, save for Seren who did not wish to raise her voice. With the excitement toned down, they went back to their stations.

"Hey Captain Caliber..." Mori spoke up from his station.

"What is it, Mochi?" Cal asked the officer, sitting up straighter to get a better look at what was going on upfront.

"We'll need to refuel before going anywhere else, raising the engines to 459% for so long was a bit much for the fuel reserves."

Cal nodded, already having a plan for getting fuel. "Set an immediate course for the uncharted garden world. We'll refuel there."

"Aye Captain Caliber, but..."

"What is it, Mochi?"

"Engines going to take a full day to cool down from overuse."

Seren sighed, looking up at Mori. "That means we're going to be drifting until tomorrow?"

"Egg-xactly." Tom replied, sighing as he slouched back in his seat, resting his hands on the top of his short brown hair. He closed his brown eyes as he laid his feet against his station.

"Great..." Ju Li muttered, taking out a mirror to see his black hair falling over his ears as he examined his dark brown eyes to make sure they were in top condition, although he wouldn't know it if something was un-visibly wrong with them.

"Be sitting around, doing nothing." Scotty commented, placing his elbows on his station and his chin into his hands, seeing his own reflection in the wall. A rough face looked back at him, wearing a bald head and a red, shaggy unshaven beard. Green eyes met green eyes.

"Puzzle time." Was Mori's input as he brushed the long side of his light brown hair back (Half of his hair going down to his shoulder and the other half only going to his chin), making sure to get his bangs away from his ocean-blue eyes.

"We can get through this, no matter how much boredom it promises!" Cal exclaimed, smoothing out his bang-less, shoulder-length white hair. Light hazel eyes looked out over the bridge with pride in them as a smile formed on his mouth.

"Yes sir." Seren told him as she checked to make sure her white hairpin was holding her ice-blue hair in the correct place. With no bangs intruding upon her left light-red eye, she had her answer even before she was checking it.

And thus, they prepared for a day of drifting.

**A/N: Here on the _Knock Me Down_, things are a little different from normal UNSC procedure.**


	2. Refueling

******A/N: Welcome to the UNSC Frigate _Knock Me Down_, where her UNSC crew resides: Naval Personal, Marines, ODSTs, and three Spartans. This ship's name has been heard high and low among the mighty and ruthless Covenant, striking absolute terror in the very cores of their minds. We follow this defiant ship and her colorful crew as she fights through the Human-Covenant War.**

**UNSC Frigate (Hydrogen-Class) _Knock Me Down_**

**May/22/25XX **

**0640 hours**

"Collins!" ODST Major Rico Flowers 'Ricochet' shouted as he stormed into the mess hall, picking up the cross legged Private First Class before his eyes caught sight of someone.

Sitting at the head of the table that Don had been sitting by was Lieutenant Ray Katsura 'Raven'. Shoulder-length jaggedly layered dark blue hair sitting on top of a slender figure with smooth and fair skin along with matching dark blue eyes was the famous leader of the Marines. A blue-haired angel with a feminine flat chest and feminine hips. The company of ODSTs behind him stopped in their tracks as they also caught sight of Ray.

Ray, was without a doubt, the most beautiful person to be on the UNSC _Knock Me Down_, completely set apart from Runt 'Seraph', Busty 'Angel' (A civilian nurse), Lock 'n Load 'Zero' (Leader of Ratio), Danger Imminent 'Fire' (Demolitions and Heavy Gunner of Ratio), and Weirdo 'Plushy' (The second in command of the _Knock Me Down_) and every other girl.

Of course, there was a drawback.

"R-R-R-R-Raven?" Rico stuttered, quickly putting the unfazed Private First Class back down. "W-w-what are you d-doing here so e-early in the m-morning?" It was rare for Ray to come to breakfast so early, usually the lieutenant would still be catching up on some beauty rest.

"I woke up early and felt hungry, so I came here. Am I interrupting something?" Ray asked him, taking a bite from the breakfast the cooks had made up. Most likely cooking up something extra special for Ray.

"N-n-n-not at all! R-right boys and girls?" Rico asked his blush-stricken company, receiving quick nods in response. "Alright, you know the drill. Get some chow and mingle!" And so, the morning turned out to be a peaceful one with Ray present to keep the ODSTs under control.

After getting his food, Rico quickly took a spot by Ray, using his superior rank and experience to get through the horde of ODSTs who were also wanting to sit next to Ray. On the other side of Ray was Sergeant Major Bryan Dieheart, a shaggy blonde who was completely infatuated with Ray to the point where he was constantly with the el-tee.

"I heard the bridge crew took out a plasma torpedo yesterday, amazing isn't it?" Ray asked him, giving a soft smile as the Marine took another bite from the extremely tasty looking pancakes. "They're doing their best to make sure we don't die."

Looking at his own food, he noticed that it only looked plain in comparison to Ray's. "Yeah, that runt is pretty good with big guns." He told Ray, turning to look at the lieutenant to find blue eyes staring into his own not a few inches away from his face.

"You shouldn't be calling her a runt no matter how short she is, it's rude." Ray told him before turning away to continue eating.

"Y-your right, Raven." Rico replied, scratching the back of his head as he mentally berated himself for being so dumb in front of Ray.

Even through there was a drawback to Ray, nobody, at all, seemed to mind. In absolute truth, despite Ray's looks, Ray is an absolute male.

Yep, that's right. He's been a male since he was born despite his feminine looks. Unfortunately, this seemed to enhance his fellow crewmember's infatuations with him. Not just the male crewmembers, but also the female crewmembers.

You can tell that not one of the crewmembers (At least not one of the male crewmembers) of the UNSC _Knock Me Down _has had a love life if they're all ready to go after Ray...

That would be what you'd think...

* * *

Petty Officer Ken-004 was the sole embodiment of a Spartan Leader. Standing at the amazing height of 7'4, a calm and collected mindset, and a willingness to do anything for his fellow soldiers no matter to danger to himself. His armor and his body were always fined to the utmost, giving off the aura of a well-kept leader. His blonde hair, kept strictly at regulation length, was spiked up and backwards, no bangs daring to protrude upon his vision that was provided to him by his dark blue, concentrated eyes.

However, no matter how much he may look like the sole embodiment of a Spartan Leader, he wasn't even the second-in-command of his three-Spartan team much less the leader.

Standing to his right was the leader of Ratio, the infamous Petty Officer Riko-009 was the true leader of Ratio, standing at 7'1 with a persistent and reckless mindset and a willingness to send her team into the most suicidal areas of any battlefield. Her armor was coated with the dried blood of her foes and even a drop of dried blood rested upon her cheek. Her UNSC green (Natural) hair exceeded the regulation length with the front going all the way to her collarbone with long bangs that often got into her vision (The back of her hair, however, was merely an inch long - layered).

Standing to her right was Petty Officer Red-007. Standing at 7'2 with a gun-ho mindset where weapons that made big explosions was her soul mate. As long as she got to blow something up, she was fine with doing anything. Her armor and her hair were both scorched black, either by plasma or naturally. Her hair went down to her chin, raggedly cut with a knife (Cut in a loose sense of the word).

'Leader', 'Zero', and 'Fire' were what they were called respectively.

At the moment, they were in position at the doors that led into the mess hall, pressing their ears to the doors. "It's too quiet, the crew must be dead." Riko-009 told her team as she listened for the usual shouting and brawling that was routine in the mess hall at this time.

"Should we blow the doors in and go in guns blazing, Zero?" Red-007 asked her, hefting up her rocket launcher to take aim at the door.

"No, stealth is our best option. We go in quietly and take any hostiles out before they can react." Ken-004 told them, readying his dual SMGs.

"I have a better plan, Leader." Ken-004 looked back at Riko-009 who had walked backwards down the corridor a bit. "We go charging in!" She started running, grabbing them by their chest armor and throwing them into the room as they burst threw the door.

Ken-004 had his dual SMGs ready, Red-007 had her launcher loaded, and Riko-009 had her assault rifle in the face of an unlucky cook.

"Good morning!" The cook responded, giving a smile.

"Good morning." Riko-009 calmly responded as if she wasn't holding a gun to the man's... neck.

To say the least, he was enormous.

After their grand entrance, they went and got their food before sitting down at a table.

* * *

When it started, Rico was holding a M6 to Bryan's tongue while he held a M6 to Rico's nose. Ray, however, had them both outmatched by holding a M6 to each of their glasses of milk. Before he could tell them to calm down, the intercom came alive with the captain's voice.

_"This is not a drill, people! We are en-route to refuel at the nearest garden planet! I entrust all of you will do your best to bravely stay onboard to help with the refueling, but I must kindly ask for some of the unlucky ones to depart to gather some food to help refuel our provisionary stocks. I know it is too much to ask of you to deviate from such a privilege and to downgrade yourselves by hunting and gathering, but alas! I have no other choice. I would join you if I could! But I'm needed here on the bridge." _The slight sound of sobbing could be heard before the captain continued. _"The following platoons please report to Hanger A for departure..."_

No one listened to the captain as Ray and his 'Lieutenant Council' was led off to their own personal Pelican. When they were gone, the entire ship turned into a warzone where every squad was on its own. Pilots rushed to their ships, being tailed by dozens of crewmembers.

Rico picked up Don, holding him like a battering ram. "Let's get outta here!" He shouted, his squad forming up on him. They all charged forward, using suppressing fire on a platoon of Marines as Rico cleared the path in front of him with Don, the Private First Class still sitting cross-legged.

Before they made their way out into the crowded halls of the frigate, they saw Riko-009 and Ken-004 being thrown across the room by Petty Officer David Wendell 'Major General', one of the frigate's renowned cooks.

There was no time to laugh, as an anti-tank round flew over their heads as a Marine squad attempted to buy themselves some time from the ODSTs, but alas, it was not to be as Rico threw Don like a javelin and struck the sniper, quickly rushing up on the squad and throwing a grenade into their mist before picking Don back up and dashing away with his squad on his heels.

It was a miracle no one was ever fatally hurt during a refueling run.

When they finally reached a Pelican, they had to sit on the laps of another ODST squad, using suppressive fire to ward off a Marine squad. The Pelican lifted off, shooting out into the atmosphere of a garden world.

"Hey sir," Corporal Eden Ruckman 'Eve' started speaking from her seat across Rico. "doesn't the first squad on the planet get to name it if its unnamed?" The pilots, hearing her, punched the Pelican into overdrive, leaving the two ODST squads looking at eachother.

******A/N: Here on the _Knock Me Down_, refueling is a little different from normal UNSC procedure.**


	3. Landfall

******A/N: Welcome to the UNSC Frigate _Knock Me Down_, where her UNSC crew resides: Naval Personal, Marines, ODSTs, and three Spartans. This ship's name has been heard high and low among the mighty and ruthless Covenant, striking absolute terror in the very cores of their minds. We follow this defiant ship and her colorful crew as she fights through the Human-Covenant War.**

**Unnamed Garden World**

**May/22/25XX **

**0725 hours**

Usually, after beating up an entire squad of fellow ODSTs inside of a cramped Pelican, Major Flowers would throw the leader of the other squad out of the Pelican as his crew 'helped' the other members out, but with the situation being the first squad getting on the planet naming it (doesn't matter if they're awake or not, or even alive or not), Rico wasn't going to do such a thing this time.

Instead, he was leaping off of the Pelican, his feet almost nearly on the ground when he noticed something. As he was leaping, Don was falling (still sitting cross-legged) off of the Pelican and his head reached the ground right before Rico's feet did. "Gardenia." Was all Don said as he rested with his head on the ground, not moving to get up.

"This is Dispatch-Zero Squad reporting in, Mediator Squad's Collins was the first unit planetside as of six seconds ago, anyone want to debut that?" Eden told the situation over the comms as she stepped off of the Pelican and walked over to Rico. Her single-braided hair was a light pink with her eyes a light blue. Her body figure resembling a teen's that had gone through ODST training.

When no one answered her, she sighed. "From now on, this planet's name is Gardenia."

"He just added 'ia' to garden after he heard garden world, that's all he did!" Lance Corporal Albert Einstein 'Stein' exclaimed as he hopped out of the Pelican, nearly landing on Don's head. His weapon was a prototype SAW, a powerful, high capacity, high fire rate machine gun. His ash-gray hair was spiked out in different directions. Two dark brown eyes surveyed the perimeter.

"Yeah." Rico muttered, disappointed that he couldn't name the planet 'Carnivirater', which was the making of the word carnivore into a device of mass destruction.

"Well, what do we do now, Ricochet?" Private First Class Joe Johnson 'Deadeyes' asked Rico as he faced Eden, mistaking her for Major Flowers once more. It wasn't that his layered, shoulder-length yellow hair (with bright red tips at the ends of each strand of hair) got into his eyes that he was mistaking her for Rico, but because he always felt like he was talking to Rico when he was facing Eden.

Oh, and he was blind (the UNSC were losing _a lot_ of people in the war).

Rico, not losing any pace with his speech when he saw Joe speaking with Eden, replied instantly. "We go find some provisions, just like Captain Caliber asked us to. Now then, who's with me?"

"I'll go with Ricochet." Albert said, the four ODSTs surrounding him speaking up also.

"Stein." Private Steve Gearhart 'Zero A' said, his helmet firmly sitting on top of black, chin-length, layered hair with dark yellow eyes looking out of the visor.

"Stein." Private Rock Dodgers 'Zero B' said, his helmet firmly sitting on top of white, chin-length, layered hair with dark green eyes looking out of the visor.

"Stein." Private Danish Copper 'Zero C' said, his helmet firmly sitting on top of red, chin-length, layered hair with dark blue eyes looking out of the visor.

"Stein." Private First Class Cocoa Stone the XXXXV 'Zero D' said, his helmet firmly sitting on top of blue, chin-length, layered hair with dark red eyes looking out of the visor.

"I'll go with Ricochet also, sir." Eden spoke up, causing Albert and his group to look over.

"Nevermind, we'll go our own way." With that, Albert and the others were off.

"I'll follow Ricochet also, reporting for duty sir." Joe said, saluting Eden.

"Well then, let's be off!" Rico exclaimed, slapping a fresh clip into his MA5C before he realized they were missing two people. "Where are Compass and Navigator?"

"They must have gotten lost." Eden told him, checking to make sure her Spartan Laser was fully charged.

"They always get lost." Joe commented as he drew his Energy Sword that he had gambled off of a Covenant Zealot.

"At least we won't have to listen to their bickering!" Rico exclaimed unnecessarily as he jumped into the surrounding forest, leaving the two others back in the clearing. "I mean, seriously, how can those two bicker bicker bicker bicker so much!?"

As the ODSTs rushed off into the forest, Don was left with his head on the ground. The Head Pilot, Captain Yarn Frazer 'Fox', walked out of the Pelican. "Today is a bad day for yarn." Don simply said, not referring to her specifically.

"Great." Yarn simply said, putting the end of her cigar-look-a-like marker in her mouth. "Just great."

* * *

"We got lost again." Sergeant Kain Riverwater 'Navigator' told Sergeant Major Lane Springfield 'Compass' as they sat in the back of a Longsword as it flew down to the planet. Kain was busy tying his long, light blue hair back in a ponytail as he looked over at Lane with his dark purple eyes.

"I know, it's your fault." Lane told him as he combed his jaggedly layered, light brown long hair as he eyed Kain with his hazel eyes.

"I wasn't the one who decided to get in a Longsword."

"I wasn't the one who got us separated from the squad."

"Actually, how did we get separated? Weren't we right with them?"

"Well, when Ricochet threw that grenade we were trailing behind them..."

"Oh, yeah, I saw my life flash before my eyes right then."

"No, that was just Collins' photo-album."

"Oh, I was wondering if I had ever met a monk in my life."

"You mean a bald guy?"

"She wasn't bald."

"Then how can she be a monk?"

"Look, just because someone is bald doesn't make them a monk."

"... You're lying..."

"I am not."

"YES YOU ARE!"

"I told you, I AM NOT!"

**"Quiet down, or I shall turn this bird around right this instant." **Came Captain Mid General's 'Horror' voice from her spot in the cockpit where she sat looking back at the two ODSTs, her black eyes and long black hair melding in with the shadows as her pale skin stood out.

"Y-yes ma'am!" The two sergeant's replied, hugging each other as they trembled in fear.

* * *

Marine Lieutenant Kanata Okita 'El-Tee' was aiming his rocket launcher at a Rabbit, taking precise aim with not only the sights but also with the tracking mechanism within the launcher. His hazel colored hair went down to his waist, usually kept in a French braid like it was now. His bright red eyes were narrowed as he focused in on his target.

Marine Lance Corporal Wayne Solo 'Lance' stood beside him, zooming in on the Rabbit with his binoculars. His light green hair was done with a short ponytail in the back and side bangs that went down to the bottom of his chest. His eyes were of the same color as Kanata's.

"3..." Wayne began.

"2..." Kanata joined in.

"Grr..." A Bear chimed in from behind them.

"Fire!" Wayne shouted, too transfixed on the Rabbit to understand the danger they were in as was Kanata who still had his launcher aimed at the Rabbit.

An explosion sounded out, but no rocket ever went streaking towards the Rabbit. Instead, a bear had a large hole in its torso. "A misfire?" Wayne asked, looking over at Kanata only to see for the rocket launcher pointed in the wrong direction. "You idiot! Again!? It goes the other way! THE OTHER WAY!"

As Wayne scolded Kanata, the Bear fell to the ground, dead.

******A/N: Here on the _Knock Me Down_, personal******** are a little different from normal UNSC procurement.**


End file.
